


Smile

by Lidsworth



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Childhood Trauma, Gen, Underage - Freeform, misconceptions about asexuality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-27
Updated: 2014-11-27
Packaged: 2018-02-27 06:23:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2682386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lidsworth/pseuds/Lidsworth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Take considered himself asexual, so he had never really had a reason to smile. Perhaps he needed therapy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Smile

**Author's Note:**

> Summary: Take considered himself asexual, so he has never really had a reason to smile.  
> Warnings: Implied non-con, underage, angst  
> A/N: This was inspired after reading the chapter where Take speaks to Itou about writing his testament, and he says that he'll most likely give all of his savings to his grandparents. I know it's most likely that his parents were killed by ghouls, but I also wanted to right something different. This is apart of a little series i'm doing with the CCG, because they're like my favorite So enjoy!

Take supposed that at his current age, he'd identify himself as asexual, if the question ever needed to be honestly answered. Though, being disgusted in the act of sex had nothing to do with his preferences, in fact, that had to be the exact opposite. It was because he'd had so much sex, that he simply grew tired of it, and really, wasn't looking forward to any other unnecessary acts of sex in his lifetime.

Needless to say, Take was no virgin. Though prior to his teen years, his loss of virginity was no fault of his own. However, dwelling on his unfortunate childhood and sex life did little to no good for the young man, though his negligence to address what happened weighed heavily upon him as well.

But what was there to even say? Who was there to even say whatever there was to say to? His grandparents? The fact that he was relocated in to their home meant that they knew of the atrocities that had occurred in his original home, so much of the pain went without being said. And in all honestly, Take didn't want it to be said at that time.

Not during early breakfast, or lunch, or Sunday dinners, not during those precious moments before sleep, when a mother is supposed to read their child his favorite book, not during the times he would spend alone, in his sandbox in the backyard...never, never with his grandparents.

Though now that he looked back on it, he supposed that if he opened up to the two beings that loved him and treasured him above life itself, that he'd be smiling a lot more, and reliving a lot  less.

He figured that if he told anyone who was willing to listen to him, that he'd be smiling a lot more. And though the listeners were few, they came in the guise of great, admirable people. His grandparents, his teachers at the academy, Arima...Arima was always concerned about Take.

Take figured that the older man was intelligent enough to weave the sob story out of his stoic, emotionless expression. Even a mere stone, in Arima's powerful gaze, was like an ancient text, written by the sweetest of muses.

Take was an open book to Arima, literally and figuratively.

Though Take was somewhat thankful that the white haired man had the decency to keep his findings to himself. It hadn't affected Take's work ethic, or his field work. In fact, the only thing that it had affected was his smile.

“You can talk to me if you need to,” Arima had said, rather forcefully, over his calculating tongue. They'd been walking over a large stretch of land, that had long been rotten with the limbs of dead ghouls, and by now, the oxygen had merged with the thick iron emitting from the corpses.

Take looked at him slowly, though instantly returned his gaze to the ground, where he shuffled through a pull of clumpy red mud, courtesy of the blood, “Thank you, Arima-san...but I'm alright.”

They never spoke of it after that really. Though speaking would have helped.

He was later relieved from Arima’s services, and was partnered with a younger man, who bore a smile that stretched over his youthful skin, and whose eyes remained glued shut no matter the occasion.

Kuramoto Itou was Take's opposite.  At least as far as facial expressions went, though they shared a rather gloomy past, as far as pasts went. So his tendency to sport an unyielding smile unnerved Hirako quite a bit.

Before actually getting to personally know Kuramoto, Take assumed that Itou spoke a lot given his nature and his smile, be it about his past or just about the color of the sky, he spoke. That was his form of therapy. And upon familiarizing himself with Kuramoto, Take was most certain that he spoke, about anything and everything.

No matter the time, or the situation, or the occasion, he always found an opportunity to say something about anything! The tiresome habit didn’t annoy Take as much as it made him slightly envious of the younger man.

Envious because Take supposed he saw himself, or his potential self in that bubbly Kuramoto.  Had he spoken to someone, he would never be reliving his childhood day by day in his personal silence, would never be afraid to smile, or desensitized to sex.

People were moving on, coworkers were getting married, people were getting fast, getting loose. Even Kuramoto slept with whatever idiot happened to stroll by his office. But Take was so reluctant to move on, reluctant, because the mere thought of someone on him, clothed or not, human or ghoul disturbed him more than anything.

Smiling welcomed unchecked emotions, forced encounters, unwanted sex. Take wasn’t ready, he’d already had enough. From his parents, from his father’s friends, to human and those  not so human.

Though Take supposed that maybe he wasn't asexual, maybe he was just afraid.

**Author's Note:**

> Obviously, this doesn't speak for asexual people, as the end revea!ls. This is in no way canon. It hasn't been confirmed, just my own head. 
> 
> Also, just in case you're wondering, no this doesn't speak for asexuals, in fact, it's the exact opposite. I've written something along the lines of this before per request, though this is my first time putting it into actual literature, though it was pleasing to the requester none the less. 
> 
> Some will believe that sexual trauma, molestation=asexulaity, because you grow fearful of sex. Though there's no correlation between the two, or at least its not proven. I've met many who'll believe that their asexuality is a result of trauma, but in the end, they're not asexual, they just need help. And through help, they realize this, though sometimes they discover this by themselves. So with that being said, this is the purpose of this story, though I wanted to take a spin on Take's life, and his reluctance to smile. 
> 
>  
> 
> Enjoy! Have a wonderful week, and God bless


End file.
